Today was the big day. 4 months since seeing the last result. I remember it was a Friday morning. I was hiding in a clinic room, finishing the jobs from the week. Also hiding, in case the results came out. Sure enough, there it was… Fail, by 1 mark. After a few minutes of feeling the gravity of the moment, I sent my Education Supervisor a message, and a few minutes more, he was there to show support whilst I was feeling pathetic and useless.
Failing an exam as a doctor is the worst. This is also relative – in the US, failing an exam is completely unacceptable. Medical training in the UK is a bit more forgiving, you have several attempts at an exam. For the FRCR Part 1, you have 6 attempts. This was my fourth.
For the last 4 months, although I can’t say that I’ve put my head down with blinders 100% of the time, I can say that I have put in a lot of effort – listening to lectures in the car to Southampton and back, reading lecture slides, meeting with Radiographers and Dosimetrists, done maybe over 1000 Raphex questions, learning and re-learning calculations. Re-watching all the lectures these past 7 days. Still, it feels like it is not enough. Still doubtful. All that for a 50 question over 2 and a half hours exam. I accept that I will never understand Radiation Physics completely (let’s face it, who does?).
Walking back into the Royal College of Radiologists, although I felt a bit more relaxed – I’ve been here before, I’ve done this before, it still brings back memories of the last times. But I do feel a little less clueless compared with the last times.
The biggest kicker today was Proton Beam Radiotherapy questions. 4-5 of them (10% of the exam). Yes, it’s the section that I’ve looked over once or twice as it is never on our daily treatment menu. Heck, there are only 2 centres in the UK that deliver PBT.
Other things – I remember flagging up 11 questions and went back through them (surely I’ve not gotten all 11 wrong). All calculation questions were doable – half life, tenth value layer, activity, monitor units of a palliative plan with a single beam.
Like the last few 100 metres of a marathon, when the Finish Line is in sight, I watched the timer count backwards in minutes then in seconds, then it was over. Exam Finished (the screen said). 50 questions in 2 and a half hours. After the exam, I cannot help but be filled with dread. What if it was still not good enough?! Silly Proton Beam questions! Unlike a marathon, I won’t find out how well/poorly I did until 3 weeks from now!
Well, I suppose I could go back and do a bit of running again whilst waiting. And sleep.
Reach for the Seven Stars 