This year has not been that great with goals and accomplishments. I think that I have gotten really good at believing I can do anything, that I can multi-task. I have all 10 fingers in 10 different desserts. I seriously thought that I have so much energy to burn off. The outcome of this falsely immovable self-belief is sadly, mediocrity.
Sounds like I’m really hard on myself. I started this blog to document (for myself and for anyone who cares to read) my journey in achieving a goal I have set for myself – running the World Marathon Majors. This is all whilst being a mum of 2 young kids and training to be a Clinical Oncologist.
I am so focused on getting good at all 3 roles. However, worlds do collide and things do get complicated.
As a mum, my benchmark is that ‘as long as the kids are healthy, happy, and are doing well in school.’ So far, David and I have achieved that despite full-time jobs (him as a dual-trainee in Intensive Care Medicine and Anaesthetics and me in Clinical Oncology). I do not know how we manage, but somehow we do.
As a runner, it has not been such a great year, even starting with the Portsmouth Coastal Marathon last December. Followed by the Tokyo Marathon. Then Edinburgh Marathon. All were 5 hour marathons back to back. Complete regression. Now the Great South Run is in 2 weeks and I don’t think I could run it.
As a Clinical Oncology trainee, I failed my Physics exam for the third time. Taking the FRCR Part 1 for the first time (which entails Cancer Biology and Radiobiology, Pharmacology, Medical Statistics, and Physics), I passed 2 and failed 2. Second attempt, I passed Med Stats and failed Physics. Sitting it the third time, I had thought I nailed it (or at least understand the questions asked), I was dead wrong. Here’s the kicker, I failed by just 1 mark! Just could not hack it. Failing also means I could not progress to the next training level. I’ve got 3 more attempts – I need to pass the next time.
For my Masters in Oncology course, I had also failed the Advanced Radiation essay (Skin Radiotherapy) which I had to re-write and failed again. Then I had to completely write a new one (Lung Radiotherapy), which I finally passed.
Blow after blow, things eventually have taken a toll. However, instead spending too much time sulking, I just have to sit down a bit, dust off and restrategise. I reflected that I need to declutter… a lot. Declutter my house, my thoughts, my projects, and my grand plans. By trying to make my life as simple as possible – by focusing on being a mum, a trainee, and an amateur runner, I’ve somehow made things more complicated. Another consoling reflection, referring back to the marathon, everybody goes at their own pace. I go at my own pace.
I don’t want to completely give running up but I need to buckle down on passing the exams. Right now, I do not have the guts or the confidence to sign up for another marathon, not until I pass this exam. I have learnt that training for a marathon and revising for exams do not go well together. Any sane person would say ‘I told you so.’ I had to learn this for myself.
The things is… the ballot for the Sydney Marathon has just opened (for August 2026). Don’t do it Mon, just don’t (for now).
Reach for the Seven Stars 