Big Blows to Contend With

This year has not been that great with goals and accomplishments. I think that I have gotten really good at believing I can do anything, that I can multi-task. I have all 10 fingers in 10 different desserts. I seriously thought that I have so much energy to burn off. The outcome of this falsely immovable self-belief is sadly, mediocrity.

Sounds like I’m really hard on myself. I started this blog to document (for myself and for anyone who cares to read) my journey in achieving a goal I have set for myself – running the World Marathon Majors. This is all whilst being a mum of 2 young kids and training to be a Clinical Oncologist.

I am so focused on getting good at all 3 roles. However, worlds do collide and things do get complicated.

As a mum, my benchmark is that ‘as long as the kids are healthy, happy, and are doing well in school.’ So far, David and I have achieved that despite full-time jobs (him as a dual-trainee in Intensive Care Medicine and Anaesthetics and me in Clinical Oncology). I do not know how we manage, but somehow we do.

As a runner, it has not been such a great year, even starting with the Portsmouth Coastal Marathon last December. Followed by the Tokyo Marathon. Then Edinburgh Marathon. All were 5 hour marathons back to back. Complete regression. Now the Great South Run is in 2 weeks and I don’t think I could run it.

As a Clinical Oncology trainee, I failed my Physics exam for the third time. Taking the FRCR Part 1 for the first time (which entails Cancer Biology and Radiobiology, Pharmacology, Medical Statistics, and Physics), I passed 2 and failed 2. Second attempt, I passed Med Stats and failed Physics. Sitting it the third time, I had thought I nailed it (or at least understand the questions asked), I was dead wrong. Here’s the kicker, I failed by just 1 mark! Just could not hack it. Failing also means I could not progress to the next training level. I’ve got 3 more attempts – I need to pass the next time.

For my Masters in Oncology course, I had also failed the Advanced Radiation essay (Skin Radiotherapy) which I had to re-write and failed again. Then I had to completely write a new one (Lung Radiotherapy), which I finally passed.

Blow after blow, things eventually have taken a toll. However, instead spending too much time sulking, I just have to sit down a bit, dust off and restrategise. I reflected that I need to declutter… a lot. Declutter my house, my thoughts, my projects, and my grand plans. By trying to make my life as simple as possible – by focusing on being a mum, a trainee, and an amateur runner, I’ve somehow made things more complicated. Another consoling reflection, referring back to the marathon, everybody goes at their own pace. I go at my own pace.

I don’t want to completely give running up but I need to buckle down on passing the exams. Right now, I do not have the guts or the confidence to sign up for another marathon, not until I pass this exam. I have learnt that training for a marathon and revising for exams do not go well together. Any sane person would say ‘I told you so.’ I had to learn this for myself.

The things is… the ballot for the Sydney Marathon has just opened (for August 2026). Don’t do it Mon, just don’t (for now).