Home

  • PHY 1 month to go. Good start to the year.

    As a Mum…

    Back to school… after 17 days off. It’s good to be back on to regular programming. At some point, we just ran out of things to do, even after playing all of their games. It’s a great time to be into board games and we’ve pretty much played every game everyday.

    This week, David any I finished reading them the first Harry Potter book – The Philosopher’s Stone. We then had a movie night on Friday evening watching the first film.

    Proud moment this week was when both kids came home on Friday and proudly showed us their Reading Rocket certificates!

    Early this morning, we were already busy with paintings.

    As a Clin Onc Trainee…

    This week, everything also started getting back to usual business. As if the Christmas holidays never happened.

    I managed to squeeze in 2 prostate plans this week. But the more exciting bit was that I got to spend some time at Planning CT and watched pre-treatment scans and immobilisation of patients, relative to their treatment plan.

    Also, as I am pretty weak on the Quality Assurance and Quality Control part of my previous exams, I was super keen and actually came to the hospital at 7 am (earliest ever) to see what happens during the daily checks before the treatments start. This was really useful as it allowed me to visualise and solidify what I am reading about. Question… why have I not done this before?! Who knows?

    Lastly, I finished writing my Clinical Trial Synopsis for the ESTRO Clinical Workshop in Vienna. Although I don’t expect it to actually turn into a clinical trial, I do hope that they pick it apart so I can learn from it.

    As an Amateur Runner…

    Currently, I am not in Marathon-mode as the big goal is passing exams. However, I am inclined to keep my fitness to a level. Also, it is way too cold. If I was training for a run, I would have been out the door but I am perfectly satisfied with spending some time on the treadmill (and not pounding so hard).

    Yesterday, I decided to spice it up a little and let the treadmill dictate a hill run for the duration of Daft Punk’s Alive 2007 (1 hr 24 mins). Alive 2007 is the only non-classical music I listen to these days and it is highly energetic and perfect in every way. Plus it takes me back to actually being at that show (best live show I’ve ever experienced). Pleased to say that I managed to stay on without stopping albeit at a slower pace but at varying inclines, cooled down with the last song. I just might do this work out once a week.

    2 extra bits on fitness… Sleep and Weight Management

    Sleep – For the first time, I’ve really focused on improving my sleeping pattern as I know I’m a very poor sleeper. I normally sleep between 11 and midnight, sometimes beyond. Still waking up at 5 am. And although I’m not a big fan of sleeping with my watch on, I did for this past week.

    My goals this year is sleep at 10 pm, 7 hours sleep, wake up at 5 am. And these are my results for the past week… I’m sleeping close to 10 pm, sleeping about 6.5 hours, and waking up around 5 am, sleep score average >70. What an improvement! I’m gonna work on keeping up this lifestyle change.

    Weight Management – I obviously have a pretty normal BMI but have been on the higher end after having kids. And not putting as many miles in, it is quite easy to tip the scale over. Especially, when I work in a job where there seems to be treats at every corner and we spend a good chunk of the day in front of the screens.

    So another small conscious change I’ve implemented this past week is – eliminating snacking and added sugar. Just eat during meals. I don’t normally eat breakfast, I eat a small salad at work, and then dinner. Dinner being the main meal of the day. Also making sure that the food is as good/fresh as it gets, non-ultra-processed food.

    In one week, I have lost almost a kilo! This is absolutely insane. Insane because previously, even if I ran for 20 miles in a week, I would never lose that much if I ate the way I was.

    Anyway, let’s see if I can get back to pre-pregnancy weight this way. Mindful eating works.

    Good start to the year so far. Exam in exactly one month.

    ,

  • 2025 reflections and 2026 goals

    2025 reflections and 2026 goals

    There is always an instinct to reflect back on the past year and set goals for the next year. I for one have set several goals last January but have not been great at accomplishing them. I like the idea of setting goals. But setting goals also come with making sacrifices and the level of sacrifices is, at times, dictated by conditions around me that I have no control over. That or I just lose interest or get distracted, never really serious about it in the first place.

    So results…

    1. Social – Blog twice a month (adequately blogged in 2025). Write a letter to a friend once a month (wrote 4 letters).
    2. Physical – Lose 7 kg in 8 weeks (Goal 50 kg). Maintain 50 kg. (Didn’t achieve goal but maintained 55 kg throughout the year).
    3. Running – Run 100 miles a month (nope). Tokyo Marathon (4 hours 30 min, nope). Edinburgh Marathon (4 hours 20 mins, nope). The Great South Run (almost 2 hours). Portsmouth Coastal Marathon (4 hours 15 mins, didn’t run).

    However, something I was pleased about was that I wanted to read a book each month. I got to 8 this year!

    Not in the photo is The Miracle Morning (to follow The 5 AM Club) – returned to my friend Alisha.

    In my tiny corner of the internet, I reflect on being a mum, being a Clinical Oncology Trainee, and being an amateur runner. So breaking things down based on these categories seems logical.

    As a Mum…

    Wins include that my children are alive and survived the year! Yay! But also that they continue to do well in school (Xavier has learned how to read!), with almost perfect attendance, never late, and we haven’t been late in picking them up from Afterschool Club (penalty of getting kicked out). They’ve not had any serious illnesses but Xavier ran into a pole and ended up with a wound on the eyebrow line – only requiring glue from the Minor Injury Unit.

    We also went mad for KPop Demon Hunters.

    As a family, we were fortunate enough to take 3 trips – got lucky that David and I were granted annual leave together. So we went to Lake Bohinj, met my best friends in Corfu, and Dubrovnik. It is quite nice that the kids are at an age where we no longer need buggies!

    We were also fortunate enough that my mum has come to stay with us for a few months to help at home, help look after the kids, and open presents on Christmas morning!

    The biggest challenge is now about to unravel… when my mum goes back to New York at the end of January. Breakfast Club drop offs, Afterschool pick-ups, and overall childcare is going to be a logistical nightmare with me in Southampton and David in Brighton for rotations.

    As a Clinical Oncology Trainee…

    My biggest challenge this past year (which I have yet to overcome) was not passing my FRCR Part 1 – particularly the Physics exam. I have failed it 3 times and there’s no hiding that it is disappointing, especially having failed by 1 mark at the last attempt. This has set me back with training and knocked my confidence a great deal. Although I know I am a safe pair of hands when looking after patients, not passing FRCR Part 1 means I have yet to progress to the next level of training and still unable to prescribe palliative radiotherapy independently, which is frustrating. However, revisiting Radiotherapy Physics again has allowed me to further appreciate this craft and the work that Clinical Oncologists do.

    This year, I also moved from the Queen Alexandra Hospital to University Hospital Southampton. Change is hard but I also know that change and new opportunities lead to new knowledge and growth. Being out of my comfort zone is where I am challenged, apply my skills, and learn new skills. So it is bittersweet but it is still an overall win.

    Some thank you cards…

    For wins… First, is the growing success of the Acute Oncology Day, which I have built from scratch and has been well-appreciated by healthcare professionals within the Wessex Deanery. Second, is getting the Fellowship Post at the Melanoma Institute Australia (another drive to really pass the exams this year).

    As an Amateur Runner…

    Challenges in running this year. I have not ran nor trained well enough this year to achieve any time goals. I have been overly ambitious in desires to be faster AND passing exams at the same time. And I have learned that in my current state, I do not have the capacity to accomplish both. By mentally and physically trying to do both, I achieved poor results in both… 5-hour marathons and failed exams.

    World Marathon Majors-wise – I did not get places at the Sydney Marathon 2026 and Cape Town Marathon 2026. I think these were blessings in disguise, so I can focus on exams.

    Wins in running this year. I finally ran the Tokyo Marathon (which was the first World Marathon Majors I got into but had to defer) and I finally ran the Edinburgh Marathon (which was the first marathon I ever signed up to but had to skip because I could’t travel). We also resumed the Great South Run, after the 2024 cancellation. The kids had also ran their first Great South Run Mini so that was one proud moment!

    Also… I have always wanted to run around the whole of Portsmouth and also the whole of Langstone Harbour.

    And quite possibly the best run this year was running around Lake Bohinj.

    In sum…

    In life, I love a good challenge and always wanna achieve maximum benefit. I think I have the tendency to try and see how far I can push things, desperate to find out where my limits lie. I have the tendency to keep going and sometimes losing insight. This past year, not only did get a glimpse of that threshold, I actually went beyond it. And predictably, suffered the consequences. I have always thought that if I’m no longer enjoying something, then I’ve gone too far. I have learned lessons, which no one else could ever have taught me.

    So in the coming year, an intangible life goal is I need to work on maximising benefit but staying one step (or five steps) away from my limit. I need to learn how to focus on one thing and doing that one thing really well, rather than produce mediocre results.

    Ah yes, and a tangible, achievable goal is work on healthy sleep habits – bed by 10 pm, 7 hours sleep, up at 5 am. With the help of David’s Christmas present… a mini Roberts bedside radio so I can listen to Radio 3 Unwind before bed and be woken up by it.

  • PHY week 7+8. Success at the Acute Oncology Teaching Day

    The winter days and nights have all blended into one big slump. I wake up and it is dark, drive to Southampton then get out of work and it is dark, drive back to Portsmouth.

    Last week, sunshine came in form of an 8-lecture teaching day. The Acute Oncology Teaching Day – my pride and joy.

    Born out of frustration from experiences wherein other medical teams have reservations in looking after patients with cancer (this is a very generalised statement). I assumed that it is because non-Oncology health professionals are not very confident in dealing with medical issues that cancer patients present with. And yet, the incidence of malignancy is growing every year, the treatments that are being developed are exponentially growing each year, therefore the cancer itself or the treatments can potentially cause problems, therefore all healthcare professionals should have a good/basic level of understanding how to look after patients with cancer. So as a goal, I thought…

    Why don’t we teach all of them how to look after our patients? For free.

    So twice a year, for two years now, we set up a teaching day of various Acute Oncology topics. Last week was the 5th go-around. We invite trainee and non-trainee doctors, nurses, GPs and GP trainees, Physician Associates, medical students, allied health professionals. Eight carefully-curated lectures by different specialists. This time around, one of the speakers was poorly and I had to sub in, ending up giving two back to back lectures at the end of the day.

    I am really good at pretending that I know what I’m talking about.

    Maximum Benefit

    When I run projects, I ensure that maximum benefit amongst all that are involved is achieved. The Acute Oncology Teaching Day is a prime example.

    Me – Of course I get most of the glory and it is something I am very proud of and I hope to carry on for as long as I can.

    Aspiring Oncology Trainees – I set up a committee of doctors who are interested in pursuing a career in Oncology. I train them how to run this event and delegate as much as I can. I then make sure that we get a quality improvement project done or a poster that can be presented at a conference nationally or internationally (which we have), and I write them a letter of appreciation. All so they can add to their CV and use to gain points for their Oncology application (Commitment to Specialty).

    Guest Speakers – They are either Consultants or Registrars. At the end, we collate the feedback from the audience and add it to their letters of appreciation. This again can be added to their CV and yearly appraisals.

    Healthcare Professionals – FREE Oncology Teaching, where there is virtually none in the Wessex deanery. Other places across the country charge at least £150!

    Patients – Hopefully, through these teaching days, the healthcare professionals would have had a better understanding of the problems the disease or the treatments can cause, and that they can appropriately manage (before they call the Oncologists).

    Goal Accomplished…

    We receive numerous positive feedback and messages encouraging us to keep going. But today, I received a rather special email from one of the attendees…

    This is the very reason why I have set up the Acute Oncology Teaching. Onwards.

    Project Pass Physics update. I am now in answering as many questions as possible mode. Using the Raphex question bank. They are hard, but I’m hoping I will learn more using these.

  • PHY week 6. “Hey it’s Monica, the Clin Onc Reg”

    …is how I answer bleeps when on-call.

    Yes… unfortunately, this is part of a life choice.

    Registrar of the Week (Pre-Game)

    Two weekends ago, I did my first weekend On-Call at Southampton. The big event was getting a patient with lung cancer who got caught in the middle of a perfect storm of recently having a cycle of chemo-immunotherapy, then becoming neutropenic and ending up with Norovirus. The result being a woman with septic shock and terrible electrolyte imbalance, needing intensive care support. Any instance wherein the ICU team accepts any of our patients (appropriately of course) is always a big win.

    Last week, whilst in clinic, a patient walks in looking awful, has been vomiting at home. Her son showed me her most recent blood sugar readings, these were off the charts. The machine couldn’t read the high numbers. I managed to get her accepted by Medics for assessment as I suspected Hyperosmolar Hyperglycaemic State – a diabetic emergency. Any instance wherein Medics accept any of our patients is always a big win.

    I also looked after a patient who had immediate suprapubic pain after antegrade stents being inserted. The stents failed shortly after insertion. Kidney function worsened – bladder not filling, Cr 500, eGFR 9 overnight. With good advise and logistics working on my side, the CTKUB confirmed stents were in place and can’t see blockage. Bilateral nephrostomies were inserted at 4 pm. Any instance wherein procedures for our patients get done on the same day they were requested is always a big win.

    I felt pretty chuffed about myself. Then Reg of the Week happened.

    Registrar of the Week

    More commonly known as ‘Reg of the Week’ or ‘ROTW’ or being ‘On-Call.’ To me, it is ‘my most favourite week.’ Alternatively, it could also escalate to ‘the shittiest week ever.’

    This week was my first full Reg of the Week in Southampton. What is quite different is that as a Clinical Oncology Reg here, you only deal with the Clinical Oncology patients, the Medical Oncologists look after their own. This is different from Portsmouth wherein you look after both.

    In Medicine, the word ‘Quiet’ is like ‘Voldemort’ in Harry Potter. Nobody likes saying it, nobody likes hearing it. Monday to Wednesday were Quiet (I can say that now). It was very odd. It was just not what I was used to, as in Portsmouth. I found myself wandering the halls, desperately looking for jobs to do. One of my other Reg colleagues said ‘Monica, you look like your adrenaline is not being pumped enough.’

    If it’s adrenaline you want, it’s adrenaline you get. Thursday came around and it started with planning for a patient transfer for emergency radiotherapy for cauda equina syndrome. Then a patient who desaturated and deteriorated pretty quickly, who I suspect had a massive pulmonary embolism (sadly passed away), then neutropenic sepsis, then frequent vasovagal episodes that initially looked like seizures, then someone with a blood pressure of 200/70 (wide pulse pressure), then someone who had purple finger tips (Buerger’s disease) with low blood pressure then plain old sepsis. All in a day.

    I was anticipating that Friday would be a ‘when shit hits the fan’ kinda day. Conventionally, all the cord compressions get referred on Friday at 4 pm. But there was none of that. Instead, it was a ‘when shit hits the fan’ kinda morning. Five new admissions to review (handed one to another Reg) – luckily, two I already knew about, one was waiting for a procedure then home, left me with one – post-radiotherapy odynophagia. Phew.

    But wait there’s more. The hardest one was a patient sent from another hospital for emergency radiotherapy but it turns out, he had deteriorated further overnight. By the time he got to us, he was already dying. But no one alerted us. So as Reg of the Week, I had to break bad news to the patient and his family (who I only met 15 minutes before) that the radiotherapy will now be futile in his current state. I made the decision of not sending him back to other hospital, we will now start end of life care. Yea, that one’s gonna linger for a while. Throughout the day, I kept thinking on how I could have made that situation better. (Of course, all was discussed with Consultants).

    And just like that, it was 1700 on Friday afternoon. Reg of the Week was over (til the next one). Time for the Post-ROTW PTSD to take over.

    The biggest lesson this week yet…

    On Tuesday morning, I attended a virtual Wessex Exam Skills course, in hopes that I can improve my exam technique – given 3 failures of the Physics exam. One of the advice was that download the syllabus (which I have) and compare the feedback report to see if you identify weak topics. I keenly did this during one of the breaks and lo behold…

    I was actually okay in the first few topics. Then about 50% in the middle and just dropped off towards the end. 2 possible reasons, I most likely don’t focus on the last topics enough and perhaps I am more tired towards the end of a 2.5 hour exam. A perfect storm of poor performance.

    Now I can’t help but relate this to the way I run marathons, positive splits is not part of my vocabulary. I always start out strong, then compromise around the middle and then just slow down towards the end.

    So after this discovery, I am changing gears. I am going to read up on the last topics and focus building knowledge around that.

    Facepalm moment: I should have analysed the exam feedback a while back.

    Also, I should also view my previous race metrics in more detail. Maybe I am not as serious about races as others and don’t really go beyond looking at my Finish Time. But hey, I can only improve if I engage and learn with my previous shortfalls. Otherwise, I’ll just be doing the same thing over and over again.

    Rest assured… I have started zero-ing in on Quality Assurance, Radiation Protection, and Radiotherapy sources.

  • PHY week 5. Vienna not Cape Town

    Completely forgot…

    To keep the momentum going, I ended up signing up to a workshop, submitted a motivational statement and all. Then completely forgot about it.

    I had signed up to the 1st European Society for Radiation Oncology (ESTRO)’s Clinical Workshop 2026 in Vienna, for mid-March 2026. I specifically applied to get into the Combination Radiotherapy with Novel Therapies breakout group. And got in. That was a surprising email. Yay!

    Did not forget…

    This week, the ballot results for the Cape Town Marathon came out. I signed up to it mid-November. Ballot Results day is always stressful. Always checking your email for a Successful or Unsuccessful email, checking your bank account for money deducted from your account, checking the Entry status on the account, checking what people are saying online. Pretty much for the 24 hours.

    The Cape Town Marathon is a contender to be the 8th World Marathon Major and those who complete the 2026 race will have a provisional star. It is getting harder to complete this goal to be honest. The 9th is Shanghai.

    So since Wednesday, my entry was stuck on this…

    And finally today, the ticket disappeared and I got this.

    It was not for me.

    Will not forget…

    Word from the Training Programme Directors.

    I have updated my Clinical Oncology TPDs about my fellowship in Australia. Of course they are pleased, but with one condition… complete the FRCR exams, as these remain the priority in training. They are absolutely right.

    So I shall lay low with Races for 2026 and aim to pass Physics in February, Final Written in August and Final Oral in November. Full Gas.

    Project Declutter update

    Decluttering to make way for the Christmas decorations…

  • PHY week 4. MIA fellowship job offer (post-race analysis).

    Warning. This may be the most boring post about the most exciting opportunity in my career. I am putting it down so I don’t ever forget how it all unfolded (as if it was a marathon – because it was).

    Melanoma

    Melanoma is a skin cancer that previously had very very poor outcomes – there just wasn’t a treatment good enough to keep people living longer. Now, immunotherapy and targeted therapies have completely changed the game and people are living longer. The Melanoma Institute Australia (MIA) has been changing the game, where numbers are showing people being cured. Yes, cured. And I had boldly submitted an application for a job there.

    Taken from the MIA website. And this is the powerhouse that is Professor Georgina Long.

    Part 1. The application

    (Marathon-speak… non-guaranteed application/ballot entry)

    Two months ago, I stayed late in hospital, enthusiastically revamping my CV (realising that my most updated one was recently wiped out from my computer). Then I went home and stayed up until 2 am, answering application questions, trying to beat a time difference deadline in Sydney. Reading the CV and the answers to questions several times, my head was already ringing and wavy lines were invading my visual fields.

    Saved. Uploaded. Sent. 3 am (UK) – bedtime. 1 pm (Aus) – they’re just about to enjoy their weekend.

    I went in to work the next day and told my Education Supervisor (Dr. Olly Donnelly) who is also my Melanoma boss. “Try to set your expectations low. They are Medical Oncologists and you are a Clinical Oncologist.” Good advice, he was right. I got off my high. Life went on.

    Part 2. The shortlist

    (Marathon-speak… successful non-guaranteed entry)

    3 weeks later, I woke up (5 am) to an email with an Interview Date on the subject line.

    This was probably the only time that sleeping with a phone by the bedside was ever a good thing. This had set off fireworks inside me and I didn’t want to wake David yet so I went downstairs. It was too early to share it with the world so I enjoyed a quiet moment to marvel at this email with a cup of coffee. This was mine to enjoy. I even re-read my application and discovered all the missing letters and words, grammatical errors, etc. How awful. But I was in. Oh and the interview was in 7 days!

    Part 3. The preparation

    (Marathon-speak… training – not 16-weeks, only 7 days)

    Funnily, on the same day, I was heading to London for a Melanoma Focus meeting at the Royal College of Physicians. Right… Intensive interview-prep mode initiated. 7 days to prep.

    Looking at the Programme and Speakers, it turns out that the organiser Mr. Howard Peach had spent some time at the MIA (right, I need to talk to him). I found myself chatting with a Pathologist who was also one of the speakers. I asked him if he can kindly introduce me to Mr. Peach (it’s now or never). When he did, Mr. Peach immediately said ‘Oh the person you want to speak with is Alex, let’s go find him.’ Prof. Alex van Akkoi who is the keynote speaker of the meeting, happens to be a surgeon at the MIA! I spent 10 minutes during the break chatting with both, seeking advice on what I need to be thinking about for the interview.

    Reading more about the Institute and the Fellowship itself, I then thought, well maybe I should get in touch with the previous fellow and ask what the experience is like. Even for me, this was next level gunning for it. I found Dr. Andrea Boutros (a Medical Oncologist from Genoa, Italy). I managed to find his email and also asked Dr. Giuseppe Banna (our in-house Italian Medical Oncologist) if he knows him or anyone who knows him in Italy. I sent the email and by Saturday afternoon, Dr. Banna messaged me… ‘I found him but he says you already emailed him.’ I made myself a new friend – Andrea, the 2024 Fellow.

    In the span of 2 days, I had met 3 people who had worked at the Institute. Like I said, gunning for it (speed-training).

    The next few days I prepared further… I came up with a project idea (as Prof. van Akkoi advised). I contacted super-enthused Dr. Cheng Yeoh (former Melanoma Boss, now in Malaysia), who then scoped any gaps from recent MIA studies. I asked advice from Dr. Ann O’Callaghan (our Research Boss) on fellowship/clinical trials type questions, who called me right after getting back from a weekend getaway in Edinburgh. I also went online (particularly YouTube) and looked for fellowship questions and typed up my very own answers.

    Andrea also advised… ‘They’ve already seen your CV and have read your application. The interview is 20 mins, they now just want to see if you fit in.’

    I felt like I entered another level of interview prep. I called EVERYONE for advice. I really wanted this and was really going for it.

    Part 4. The interview

    (Marathon-speak… Race Day)

    Another 5 am email from Australia on Interview morning… ‘Due to unforeseen events, we need to postpone your interview to the 20th of October.’ I felt all sorts of emotions as I was sooo ready. Everyone was wishing me good luck. But alas. Probably better for my nerves as they all went away and I had to switch gears to the Great South Run for that Sunday. (It turned out that the interview was postponed because Prof. Long was racing in a triathlon. Yes, she is a triathlete.)

    Then came Monday, I was propped in a room at the Education Centre that I had booked last week, ensuring I had the best internet connection. I had headphones, good lighting and a white background. I started to worry when the Zoom link didn’t work an hour before the interview. Initially, I didn’t panic as there was still an hour to go. Then it was becoming more apparent that it really wasn’t working. I received an email from Prof. Alex Menzies asking for my number as there is a worldwide failure of Zoom that day and we may have to do the interview via WhatsApp. Seriously, the biggest interview of my career on WhatsApp. I could not make this up. But I was so ready… let’s go!

    And so the call came, and there she was… Prof. Georgina Long herself, no cam for Prof Menzies but sounded so welcoming behind his photo. I was starstrucked. But we were all too distracted by the Zoom outage, it broke the ice instantly.

    The interview went on for about 30 minutes with a clinical question, research question, ongoing projects. After answering the opening clinical question… I received one of the best compliments I have ever received in my training career. Prof. Long responded, ‘Monica, I don’t think anyone has answered that question as thoroughly as you.’ That was it, I was in. The rest of the questions were then more like a chat. It was a much better interview compared with my Training post interviews. One last comment from Prof. Long was ‘it is so refreshing to get someone so clinical.’ It made me realise that everyone who apply are quite academic.

    After the interview, I was on a high. I felt that I prepped well enough. I felt that the interview went well. I felt that I have built my CV over time well enough for this opportunity. But the last time I felt good about something, I failed by one mark. So I was glad for the experience, but also expected that maybe it wasn’t for me. I thought, even if I did not get the post, meeting with and being interviewed by the biggest gamechangers in the melanoma world, this was already the highlight of my career. Right… off to do a solo Melanoma clinic, the boss was off.

    Part 5. The references

    (Marathon-speak… The crowd and supporters)

    That Friday, 5 am, ‘another congratulations to getting to this stage’ email… ‘please let your references know that we are about to get in touch with them.’ OMG. What does this mean? Was this it? I was an idiot and responded ‘will they be interviewing the references too?” I also asked Andrea and he said, ‘you are in!’

    We were on our way to the airport (for Dubrovnik) when I emailed Olly, Eleni, and Ann to keep an eye out. I also emailed our Clinical Director (Dr. Freddie Bartlett) as back up as Ann was on holiday. Their job was to say that I was not a psychopath. Please don’t say I’m a psychopath. If this was a marathon mile marker, this would be Mile 25. And let me tell you, this race is not mine alone. So many people practically carried me throughout the process. This is not a victory of my own, it is also my team’s, the Oncology department of the Queen Alexandra Hospital.

    Part 6. The offer

    (Marathon-speak. The Finish Line)

    Let me tell you, I did not have one good night’s sleep throughout the holiday as I kept waking up checking my emails.

    Wednesday morning… found out I didn’t get into the Sydney Marathon ballot. But wouldn’t it be sweet… a bit too sweet and I am not that lucky.

    Thursday morning (usual 5 am), there it was. After confirmation that all 3 of my references had responded, I was offered a fellowship post at the Melanoma Institute Australia for January 2027. The Finish Line.

    The first thing David said when he woke up was ‘so we’re going to Australia?!’

    Project Don’t Stop

    I have now bested myself from last week by 1 minute and 35 seconds. I’ll take it.

    ,

  • PHY week 3. Out with the old, in with the new.

    Project Pass Physics update. Chunking. During marathons, I set smaller milestones like run til the next mile or run to the next lamp post or 3 miles to the next drink of water. This week I finished all of the Intro topics – what is an atom? basic radiation Physics, electromagnetic wave spectrum, photons and particles. Next up is starting radiotherapy planning, a big chunk but could also be broken down a bit more.

    Project Declutter update. I managed to tidy up one cupboard in our bedroom. In the 5 years of living here, we’ve just been shoving things in it ‘to sort later.’ Finally, it’s been sorted.

    Feels better than it looks.

    Out with the old…

    After 4 years at the Queen Alexandra Hospital, it was time to move on. I had spent my Internal Medicine Training and the first 2 years of Clinical Oncology Specialty Registrar Training there. I had chosen to stay within the QAH when transitioning from IMT to SpR here so I didn’t have to struggle with learning new hospital systems etc., I could just focus on learning how to be a Registrar. I think I made a good decision there. Also I didn’t want to be too far from home as the kids were also just starting school.

    Of course, one thing I couldn’t help naturally is getting attached to the place and the people. The QAH is a challenging place to work in, it is chaotic and more often than not, you can feel that things could be a lot better. However, I enjoyed my time at there, especially at the Oncology department. I was greatly supported by my Consultants and fellow Registrars. The nursing team and support staff were all amazing. On reflection, I did develop quite well in that environment and I’ve established really good relationships. I had thoroughly enjoyed my time at the QAH.

    My last day started with some deep reflection and a cry with my friend Alisha at the Costa, now with a candle to commemorate the occasion. Another present from Ben and Megan – a nut-tricious 2.5 lb bag of mixed nuts. I unexpectedly got a letter from the Chief Medical Officer. And finally, it ended with pizza and goodbyes.

    However, one must never get too attached, according to the Buddhist philosophy of impermanence. Attachments (to people, desires, expectations, thoughts, self) can lead to suffering. One must let go.

    I should learn from past lessons, moving from Asia to America, now to Europe, leaving things and people behind, that despite the reluctance to go, the anxieties of fitting in, it is all one big adventure, one new chapter, and another opportunity to experience new things and grow. There is beauty in that.

    Bye for now QAH

    In with the new…

    Thursday came around and I set foot at the University Hospital Southampton for the very first time. The first few days (and the few weeks to follow) in a new hospital system are always about induction and finding your feet again. New computer system, new policies, new people, new corridors. Know where the coffee and the toilets are. A lot of “Hi. I’m Monica, one of the new Regs.” I had more anxieties than excitement last week. However, I also know I need to be patient with myself and just ride this new wave. Try not to set a lot of expectations apart from trying to do a good job. Who knows… I might even enjoy it. So, Southampton and Uro-Oncology, here I am.

    Some running… back to basics.

    Stick to 15 miles a week for now just to maintain some level of sanity. After not really been running for training, I’ve set some acceptable standards over the weekend for Project Don’t Stop. It can only get better from here.

    I’ve also realised that the only way I can really have a running mindset is I am training for a race. No, I have not signed up for anything. In fact, I am not running a the Portsmouth Marathon in December as I am just not ready. However I am keeping in the back of my mind that post-exams, if entries are still available and I am feeling good, then maybe the Southampton Marathon in early May may be an appropriate and timely option.

  • PHY week 2. From Dubrovnik to Sydney

    PHY week 2. From Dubrovnik to Sydney

    Project Pass Physics update: I signed up to The Christie’s Physics course. I don’t know why this has slipped my mind the last time… it was mostly likely that I was reluctant to pay the £521 fee.

    Project Declutter update: I managed to get rid of (donate) Xavier’s and my old and unwanted clothes. Also managed to return scrubs back to the hospital.

    Dubrovnik

    It is half term. David and I managed to get time off and Dubrovnik fit the bill of ‘not yet cold’ and ‘things to do.’ We’ve given up on the pool idea, we would just be disappointed if we set our expectations high.

    I was here over 10 years ago with 2 friends, this was pre-Game of Thrones. Good to know that over 10 years later, Old Town remains a lovely and well-preserved city, but now dotted with Game of Thrones-themed tourist shops. We got the Dubrovnik Pass which allowed access to many historical attractions within Old Town. We bribed the kids with double ice cream to walk the city walls encircling the whole town. They did and got their double ice cream.

    We stayed at a hotel called Valamar Tirena, which has an in-house kids activity centre – Maro World. We made a deal with the kids that the morning is for Mum and Dad (go to Old Town), the afternoon is for them (play in Maro World) and the evening, we all go to the bar for drinks – whisky sours for us and fizzy drinks for them.

    Sydney

    One of my previous Clinical Supervisors, Dr. Warren Doherty, once said with regards to marathon-running…

    The more you train, the less you rely on luck.

    Within a 24-hour timespan, I received 2 polar opposite emails… one of rejection and one of acceptance.

    Email #1

    Sydney just got inducted to be one of the World Marathon Majors last year and the 2025 race was its debut as a WMM. True to form, I entered the Sydney Marathon 2026 ballot. But alas, true to form, I was unsuccessful. Due to the time difference, I read this email at 5 am. But in a way, I was relieved because for once, I had much bigger plans than running the World Marathon Majors. I know I promised not sign up to any races until I pass exams but WMM ballots are WMM ballots. And ballots are purely based on luck.

    Email #2

    Now for something that is purely based on training, rather than luck.

    My bigger plans include passing FRCR Part 1 Physics and now to add a little more spice to the curry, I plan to sit both FRCR Part 2A written and Part 2B oral by December 2026. All because… the second email I received (also beyond midnight due to the time difference) stated that my application/interview was successful and I got offered a Fellowship job at the Melanoma Institute Australia in Sydney working directly under Professor Georgina Long, starting January 2027. This is big, like way beyond my wildest dreams big. Like it deserves its own post big so I will write about it separately in due course.

    This was the ultimate power boost I’ve been needing this year. Poor running and exam performances have really brought me down. I’ve forgotten that there are other aspects in life that I am not doing so badly in. I’ve forgotten that there are things that I have worked hard for and built over time, things that I’ve trained hard for. I also cannot forget the people who have helped me out (more on them later).

    Not getting a place at the Sydney Marathon 2026 is very much okay as I will just have to run it in 2027 – ballot or charity place.

    Here’s to Dubrovnik and Sydney!

  • PHY week 1. Project Pass Physics. Planning (partial week).

    (There are a lot of Ps in that title.)

    This past week I’ve further thought about how to approach Project Pass Physics. For the first time in Clin Onc training, I’ve actually felt like I am falling behind. Like all things, my mind drifts back to the thought that ‘the marathon is life and life is a marathon.’ In my case, this past year, I’ve just not trained hard and well enough and have consequently dropped my pace. I could be a bit more unforgiving but I don’t think that will get me anywhere good. I also do not want to end up too complacent as that will also not get me anywhere good.

    So I came up with a plan for Physics – revise like it is marathon training. So I came up with 16-week plan. This is another one of those ‘when worlds collide’ situation – doctor world collides with running world. It is a rare situation when I have realised that I have hit my limit or in marathon-speak, ‘I’ve hit the wall.’

    There are a multitude of marathon training plans out there with several phases but the most common ones have a Base, Build, Peak, and Taper phase. The Asics app has Pre-Conditioning, Getting Faster, Getting Farther, Fine Tuning. It so happens that my Physics exams is 16 weeks out from now (11.02.2025). Perfect timing.

    David also says…

    Well you have to also keep up with the running.

    I think he understands how I value running without really overstating it. So, I’ve planned to incorporate a modest 15 miles/week just so I don’t completely lose any ability. Variation could include 30 mins/day or 2 short runs during the week and 1 long run during the weekend. Additionally, it is getting cold in this part of the world.

    Here’s what I’ve come up with without too much detail.

    16-week Pass Physics Plan

    Base (4 weeks) – Read a new Physics book. Khan’s Lectures is a level up from Physics for Clinical Oncology book which I’ve already read front to back. I got all lecture notes/presentations organised this week to match with the book chapters. And no matter how hard the end of chapter questions are, I will do them.

    New adventure
    Last adventure

    Build (4 weeks) – Seek out the Physics Team and gain more practical experience. Also set up a small group to do 10 questions 3x a week.

    Peak (4 weeks) – Practice exams non-stop. Use Raphex.

    Taper (4 weeks) – Find further knowledge gaps and focus on these.

    Simple, right? Let’s see how it goes. And oh…do not take up any new projects AND do not sign up for any new races. Except that I already signed the whole family up for the Great South Run 2026. What… it was Early Bird Special. Facepalm.

    11th of February 2026 – FRCR Part 1 Physics

    ,

  • Finally… The Great South Run 2025 is Back

    The Great South Run Mini

    Before the big day, the 5k, junior, and mini races were on. And my 2 little superstars nailed their first little race (more like a fun run really).

    Xavier complained all the way to the start line that he did not want to run the race. We managed to convince him to pin his bib on. I was going to be his grown-up and David was Maya’s.

    ‘I don’t wanna run the race.’

    Then it was Go! Xavier went off, sprinting in full-gas Tom Cruise fashion (full arm swing and all). I had lost him! He was too fast and weaved through the crowd. I lost him for about two minutes. Then spotted him walking as he tired out, as expected. He was high-fiving a turtle and a bell. I called him and said Xavier Go! Off he went again. Maya’s friend’s dad was then behind and kept saying Go Xavie! And then another walk. At first, David and Maya were far behind us but eventually caught up due to the walking. Xavier then grabbed David’s hand and we swapped. I took Maya from half way to the end. All the while, Maya kept saying ‘Mummy, I haven’t stopped and I don’t have a stitch!’ And she carried on chatting whilst running. When we got to the last 200 metres marker, I said ‘Maya, there’s the Finish Line, go fast!’ And her little legs went double time.

    Xavier’s erratic running on the first half, Maya’s nice and steady run on the second half.

    Maya and I crossed the Finish Line together and Xavier with David crossed about 20 seconds later. They both finished their first race and we were so proud of them!

    And of course… there was ice cream!

    The Great South Run

    Plan A: Finish. Achieved.

    After last year’s cancellation, the Great South Run is back in full force. The weather was just a little short of last year’s Storm Ashley. On the previous day, the weather report predicted 95% rain from 11 am to 6 pm, covering the whole duration of the race (how generous). On the day, 95% became 100% predicted. Spitting rain came when we got to the Start Line. Oh it will be alright if it was like this the whole time, we thought. Then what were spits turned into a garden hose watering us little seedlings (who have no soil for protection), thinking perhaps that we would grow more confidence and our pace would blossom with each mile. (Not for me). There was wind from the south but this was really just full-frontal when we turned on to a little bend between the 7th and 8th mile, towards the sea. Then it was not so bad once heading west as it was only blowing from the left, for the last 2 miles of the race.

    Note: The extra skill I have learned since I started running is appreciating the weather report, paying close attention to wind speed and direction and how these elements will affect parts of my run. It really helps with mental preparation (no surprises).

    Last year was the big year when almost 20 of us in the Oncology Department (+ some other halves) trained to run the Great South Run, but alas, cancelled by Storm Ashley. This year, half of us were still up for it. And this time, rain or shine, we were there. Some were running for the first time and some were running superstars.

    During races, there are runners who would have Plan A (personal best), Plan B (baseline), and Plan C (just finish). On this day, my Plan A was to Finish, Plan B 1:45 (10:30 per mile pace), Plan C was PB (under 1:39). With only a single 8 mile run 2 weeks ago as my training, Plan C in the rain was not happening, EVER. Plan B was a fingers crossed if I made it to 7 mile holding a 10:30 pace (again, having almost no training). So Plan A was the most likely bet.

    I started off with under 10 minute miles for the first 2 miles then about 10:27 for the next few then slowed down to about 11:00. Now just relying on stamina from a bygone era, pulling out old muscle fibres from any cobweb-laden cupboard, and zen-like thinking – mind over matter, be one with the rain. I crossed the Finish Line at 1:54:45, David was already waiting for me for 20 minutes, fully soaked. The rest of our team had great results. Some accomplished Personal Bests (David, consistent at 1:46 now managed a 1:45) whilst some of us (me) simply crossed the Finished Line with set expectations met.

    The Great South Run (part of the Great Run enterprise) is so well-organised and so well set up in Southsea. Best 10-miler in the world. The route showcased the best things of the city… Old Portsmouth and its historic ships, the university, the street art, and of course, the seafront (which some cities dare I say would be envious of). Rain or shine, spectators lined the streets all throughout. The only stretch that was protected was the historic dockyard, but the Race Marshalls were there to cheer us on. There was music almost every mile and even a stretch where residents has set up club-like speakers blasting ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ by Whitney Houston. Our little waterfront city delivered a great race to over 25,000 runners this year (and every year). Til next year!

    It’s a family affair.